For Grownups: How to identify with a middle schooler

It was the last weekend in January and I was getting ready to go on the first Junior High retreat I had been on since 1997 when I taught Jr./Sr. High Spanish.  To be honest, I wasn’t really sure what it would be like or how I would relate to the kids on the trip.  A lot has changed since 1997.  I don’t know a whole lot about popular youth culture.  I felt out of touch with the circumstances that Middle Schoolers face day to day. But I packed my bags and loaded up the car with a bunch girls.  We were on our way!

After about 8 hours of sleep in 2 days, 6 cafeteria style meals, copious cups of coffee, gearing up for a climbing wall, countless chasing after lost pin pong balls and lot of fun hanging out with Middle Schoolers I’ve come to the conclusion that anyone can identify with a young person traversing through early adolescence.  We don’t need to worry about being hip enough or savvy enough. Here’s what I discovered:   

1)  Middle Schoolers like to have fun!  

     Who doesn’t like to have fun?  Kids like to be silly and joke around.  They want to laugh.  If we grownups just let go of our worries and problem solving, we can be free to enjoy ourselves.  Kids will want to be around us, instead of cringing as they wait for some parental venom to come sting them.  Middle Schoolers can relate to us when we have fun together.

2)  Almost everything Middle Schoolers are facing is new to them.

     Any grownup who has been a parent can identify with the experience.  What was it like when you brought your first child home from the hospital?  Were you wishing the instruction manual would come with the precious tiny bundle of joy you brought home?  All Middle Schoolers wish there were some instruction manual to go with there season of life too.  Their bodies are changing.  Their peer groups are changing.  Family situations are often changing.  They often feel lost and wonder how to navigate waters of this season in their life.  We can identify with them by being understanding of their lack of wisdom.  We can adjust our expectations to embrace “newbies”.

3)  Middle Schoolers have a lot of questions.

     Kids might give the impression that they know it all, but the reality is that they are scared.  They may come across as disinterested in adult input, but secretly they crave to know the answers to their questions.  But they are waiting for a safe place where they will not be embarrassed or belittled to share what’s on their heart.  They are waiting for someone to pay attention.  They are waiting for someone who will do more than give answers.  They want to be heard, to be understood.  It takes being a good listener.

     We can be those good listeners.  Our kids can identify with us when we share the questions that God has helped us to wrestle through as well, or how we sought out the advice of a godly person in our life.  If we slow down, we can remember the hardships that we faced in our youth and be available to help our kids work through theirs.

4)  Middle Schoolers crave compassion.

     They spend a lot of time feeling lost, like sheep without a shepherd.  They want someone to invite them into the fold, to care for them and lead them.  Who doesn’t want others to show compassion toward them?  Even adults need others to care for them.  We can shepherd our children by making a point to reconnect with them often.  When we take time to connect with them, we’ll know better how to pray for them and how to provide the care they need.  If we allow them to disconnect from family life or mentoring relationships we abdicate our leadership role in their life.  They will fill that void somewhere else, however.  We can provide the compassion they need by taking time to lead them, no matter how resistant or disinterested they appear to be.

5)  Middle Schoolers are looking for available people.

     When studies are conducted on individuals who get involved in occult groups, drug abuse or gangs the studies often show that the reason the person participated in a certain activity was out of a need to belong.  God created us to be attached to other people.  When there there is a void of belonging, we look for those in our environment who make themselves available to us.  Middle Schoolers are on the lookout for people who will show up for them.  They want to know who cares enough to go out of their way for them.  We can be those people in their lives.  Investing in the next generation is an investment we will never regret!

 

 

 “Seeing the people, He (Jesus) felt compassion for them, because they were distressed and dispirited like sheep without a shepherd.”  (Matthew 9:36)    

 

Our Children will be Spiritually Hungry Today

image from arttimecollective.com

The desperate cries of these baby chicks waiting to be fed echo the silent pleas of our children for spiritual nourishment.  They ache for their souls to be satisfied with the “living water” and “bread of life” of Jesus, their Creator and Sustainer.  God has given us as parents the responsibility of tending to this need.  The way that we provide for their spiritual needs will determine whether their souls will thrive or be malnourished.

When we think about our day as a parent, we naturally think about what our children will have for breakfast, lunch and dinner unless it is provided for them at a childcare location.  In this new year, why not take time to think about your child’s spiritual meals.  What will be be on their spiritual menu today?  Will their soul be satisfied with Scripture at breakfast?  Will the concerns of their heart be addressed in prayer at lunch?  Will they have opportunity to lift their voices in praise at dinner?

If spiritual nourishment has not been a priority for your family up until now, using the example of our body’s need for physical sustenance is an easy way to introduce the concept of their souls need for spiritual sustenance.  Children will find it easier to understand the development of new mealtime habits that address their spiritual needs.  These spiritual meals don’t have to take long.  Start with just spending 5 minutes additional at a time to read a Scripture, sing a song of praise or pray together.  This year we were given a little desk calendar with a Psalm of the day on it.  You can pick one up at most grocery stores or book stores.  A child takes a turn each day to read the verse of the day.  A parent provides any explanation that is required, and it’s as simple as that.

Our children will be hungry today…what will we feed them?

What I couldn’t learn at boarding school

The face of motherhood is multi-faceted.  It changes from season to season, varies from woman to woman and situation to situation; but it seems that one thing we could all agree on is that motherhood is full of challenges both big and small.  Motherhood stretches us, many times beyond what we think we can cope.

Most of what we do as moms is difficult to outline.  We nurture, cheer, worry, walk alongside, not to mention the list of chores that go with it.  We spend much of the time wondering if we’re doing the right thing.  Oftentimes, we feel isolated and alone on this journey of parenting.  We are exhausted and worn down.

It can be easy to look at others and think that our mothering doesn’t really matter.  What progress are we making anyway?  What is so important about what we do?

As a child I spent a great deal of time separated from my family in boarding school.  It was the only school we had access to at the time, and my parents often lived in remote locations.  I learned a lot of things in boarding school.  We were taught how to read, memorize math facts, appreciate literature and to do some chores.   There were a lot of things that couldn’t be learned there though.

1.  We couldn’t learn to communicate effectively.   In programs and institutions we learn what is acceptable and unacceptable to talk about.  If what we have to contribute doesn’t fit the protocol then it is unwelcome and we just stuff it down.  Home is the place where we can let our children know that we are interested in the things that make them happy, sad, worried or afraid.  We can create an environment of safety and trust so that our children are free to be themselves, loved just as they are.

2.  We couldn’t learn how to function in a family.  Our families were scattered so the natural dynamics of having shared values, traditions and roles in relationship to one another were interrupted.   An institution could not replicate the same DNA as God gave the family.  Home is the place where we can give our children a foundation for life.  Making it a priority to be with our children communicates to them that we as parents are the ones responsible for giving them guidance and direction.

3.  We couldn’t learn  to resolve conflict in healthy ways.   We didn’t want to involve the adults around us in our squabbles so we just carried our resentments around with us.  The adults either seemed too busy or disinterested to bother with our petty problems, but unresolved hurts don’t just go away. They build up.  Home is the place where we can teach our children how to listen to each other, how to handle our anger and frustration.  It is where they can learn how to forgive as Jesus has forgiven them.  Forgiveness doesn’t come naturally to us though.  It takes engaged parents (not perfect parents) to take time to walk through the process of forgiveness over and over and over and over again.

4.  We couldn’t learn to seek the Lord.  Sure, there was Biblical instruction at boarding school, but seeking the Lord requires more than instruction.  At home we can take time with our children to show them what seeking God looks like.  We teach them how to talk with God, how to know who He is and take time to point out how He is working in our midst.

5.  We couldn’t learn our identity as a person created in God image.   God has created each of us with a desire to know what we were created for and to know what our purpose is.  In school we were just students, roommates and sometimes friends.  Home is the place for us to help our children understand that they have been “fearfully and wonderfully made.”  God blesses those who trust Him with “every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places” (1 Peter 1).  As parents we help our children to have confidence in God’s generosity toward them.

Although most of us will not be sending our children to boarding school, children are increasingly spending less time at home with their families.  This lack of time at home in the family is a developmental risk.  Many children today are not thriving, they are coping.  So when we’re wondering about whether our mothering matters, God has given us a role that no one else can replace.

Our children need us.  They need us to seek the Lord for them and with them.  When we don’t know how, we take time to learn because it matters.  Anyone can learn to seek the Lord.  Anyone can learn from other godly parents.  Will we be perfect?  We can count on the fact that we’ll mess up.  But our children desperately need us to persevere in parenting.  They need us not to give up.  God made us mothers, and He will give us what we need as we look to Him.

The Heart Checkup

He was speaking random letters into the blue and red toy stethascope around his neck.  First, he said the letters to himself.  Then, he found our dog under the dining room table to be his audience.  When he had enough of that he wandered into the kitchen where I was busy preparing lunch and asked, “How’s your heart, Mommy? Is it clean or is it dirty?”  “That’s a good question, little man.  Let’s check it,” I answered.

At three he knows that hearts are like teeth, without regular cleaning the plaque builds up.  We are unkind to each other.  We don’t listen to instructions.  We substitute other things for God.  The list could go on.  All of this just builds up on our hearts and we carry this plaque around with us everyday unless we get a cleaning.  If we leave plaque on our teeth, we will lose our teeth.  If heart plaque is left untreated, it can kill you (Romans 3:23).

Heart cleanings are different from teeth cleaning though.  There are no toothbrushes for cleaning hearts.  No one sends us a postcard in the mail to remind us that it’s time for our heart checkup either.  It’s in the “Big Boy Instructions”  as my brother would say.  As “big boys and girls” we know that when something gets dirty it doesn’t clean itself.  We have to take the responsibility to make sure that we do what is necessary to get it clean.

The good news is that heart cleanings really aren’t that complicated.  Jesus has done everything for us.  He paid for the dirt on our hearts when He spilled His blood on the cross for us and rose again from the dead three days later  (Romans 5).  The only two elements that are needed are 1) humility (being willing to see our heart as God sees it)  2)  asking Jesus to was our hearts clean from the dirt that has settled on our heart (1 John 1:9)  When we ask Jesus to forgive us of the darkness in our hearts, He washes us clean. Then when God looks at us He only sees the perfection of Jesus. These cleanings are a gift, but when we realize how much the gift costs we won’t want to take the gift lightly.  We’ll want to give Jesus our whole life.  We’ll want to make sure that our hearts cleaned daily so that our heart will be ready for Him to use.

Having a clean heart is so much more rewarding than having clean teeth.  Why not take time for your heart to be cleaned today?

14 for 2014

 

It’s the start of a New Year, and many of us our thinking about what will shape this coming  year.  Some of us are setting out goals for ourselves.  Some are thinking of the one word that they want to describe 2014.  For those who are children of God there is only one Person who can direct our thinking about a space in time.  He is the creator of time.  His Word says that He is the same “yesterday, today and forever”, He is the only good, kind, slow to anger, abounding in love, gracious, merciful, holy, true, all-powerful, all-knowing, present everywhere, perfect and majestic King of 2014.

As citizens of His kingdom, here are 14 things we can count on this year:

1.  We have a “lamp for our feet and a light to our path” (Ps. 119:105).

2.  We won’t lack any good thing (Psalm 23).

3.  Goodness and mercy will follow us every day (Ps. 23).

4.  “Shouting for joy to the Lord” is what we were created for (Ps.33).

5.  Our King will not abandon us (Joshua 1:5).

6.  We can be “strong and courageous” because our Lord is with us (Josh 1:9).

10. Forgiveness is available to us when we confess it to Him (1 Jn. 1:9).

11.  The Holy Spirit will empower us as we rely on Him  (John 16:13,14).

12.  There is work that has been prepared in advance for us to do  (Ephesians 2:10).

13.  When we stay connected to the vine, we will be fruitful  (John 15).

14.  When we follow Jesus, He will “make us fishers of men”  (Matthew 4:19).

We have an eternal inheritance that can never be taken away from us  (1 Peter 1:4).  Let’s press on to “take hold of that for which Christ Jesus has taken hold of us.”  (Phillipians 3:14)  What we gain from living for Jesus is better than any fireworks or New Year’s Celebration…it’s heavenly, and that is something more impressive that we can ever even begin to describe.  No matter what comes our way in 2014 our God will never change, so let’s let Him define it.

When you wonder about the New Year

 

(image by commons.wikimedia.com)

 

When quiet comes and you wonder what to do with it…

seek the face of God

When joy comes and you wonder what to do with it…

sing to the One who delights

When tears come and you wonder what to do with them…

cry to the One who is the Man of Sorrows

When questions come and you wonder what to do with them…

ask the One who is Himself wisdom

When life is too full and you wonder what to do with it all…

be still and know that the Lord is God.

 

“You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.”  (Jeremiah 29:13)

A Nativity Lapbook by mom and B

There’s so much about Jesus’ birth to discover.  An interactive way to unwrap the account of the birth of Jesus with a child is by making a lapbook together.  By starting with a blank page, making the illustrations and writing out in your own words what took place, the child will begin to own it.  What a wonderful gift to give a child…an understanding of what Jesus did for them!

My little boy isn’t old enough to read and write yet (beyond his name),  but he like to color them in.  Even though he can’t read, he can look at those letters now and say what they mean.  They are the words he made (with momma’s help), but that makes it special to him.

By asking the child to think about what happens next in the story at regular intervals, the child is no longer just a recipient of the story.  He is actively involved in the discovery.

God sent an angel named Gabriel to a young virgin woman in the town of Nazareth named Mary.  The angel said to Mary, “I have a message for you from God.  You are going to have a baby.  He will be called the Son of the Most High.”(Luke 1:26-38)

Questions to ask along the way… What was the angel’s name?  Who is the young woman?  Why did the angel come to her?  What did Mary think about what they angel said?

(Note:  These were the words that I wrote on the page for the boy, but the Bible was there beside me and I explained in further detail the greeting Gabriel gave to Mary and how Mary responded to what the angel told her.  Keeping the words on the page brief helps the child understand the broad strokes of the story.  We can paint a more detailed picture for them while they are interested in the illustrations they have made and the characters they represent.)

Mary went to visit her cousin, Elizabeth, after the angel’s visit.  Elizabeth was expecting a baby in her old age.  When Mary greeted Elizabeth, the baby in Elizabeth’s womb leaped for joy at the sound of her voice.  Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit and prophesied about the baby in Mary’s womb.  (Luke 1:39-43)

Questions to ask along the way… Who did Mary go to visit?  Why did the baby in Elizabeth’s womb leap at the sound of Mary’s voice?  What did Mary say to Elizabeth?

When Mary went back home to Nazareth, Joseph saw that Mary was expecting a baby.  Mary had promised Joseph that she would marry him, but Joseph didn’t like that Mary had a baby that didn’t belong to Him.  Joseph thought he would end his relationship with Mary quietly.  But an angel came to Joseph and told him that it was okay for Joseph to take Mary as his wife because the child she carried was the Son of God.  He was to call the baby, Jesus, because he would “save their people from their sins.”  (Matthew 1:18-24)

Questions to ask along the way….  Who is this man?  What is he worried about?  What do you think he will do?  What does the angel say to him?

Ceasar Augustus wanted to make a list of all the people in the roman world so that he could tax them.  He made a law that said for every family to go back to the husband’s birthplace to be counted. (Luke 2)

Questions to ask along the way…Who is this?  What did he do?  What is the law about?

Joseph and Mary went to Bethlehem to be counted.  When they arrived in Bethlehem they tried to find a inn to stay in, but all of the inns were full.  One innkeeper told them that they could stay in his stable.  (Luke 2)

Questions to ask along the way….Who are these people?  Where are they going?  Why are they going there?  Where will they stay?

At that time the days of Mary’s pregnancy were completed.  She gave birth to a son and she laid him in the place where the animal’s eat (a manger).    Out in the fields that night there were shepherds looking after their sheep.  An angel appeared to them and told them that they would find a Savior, Christ the Lord, born to them in Bethlehem that night.  The shepherds went to see if what the angel said was true . They found Mary, Joseph and the baby Jesus just as the angels had said.  (Luke 2)

Questions to ask along the way…Who are these people?  Where are they?  What is happening?  Who comes to visit them?  Why do they come?  Why is it important for us to know about how Jesus was born?

I hope you enjoy discovering the account of Jesus’ birth with your child this Christmas.  Our children are in desperate need of the hope of Christmas!  We can share that hope with them.

Please share what you have found helpful to engage your child in the hope of Christmas!

A Wise Owl Christmas

A Wise Owl Christmas

This is Wise Owl.  He loves to learn.  He writes down what he learns in his wisdom journal.

image from coloring-nicole.blogspot.com

Wise Owl also loves Christmas.  He likes the smell of cookies baking in the oven.  He likes putting each ornament on the Christmas tree.  He can’t wait to start singing Christmas carols.

Every Christmas Wise Owls packs a shoe box full of gifts for a child somewhere in the world who wouldn’t have Christmas presents otherwise.  He loves to share the good news of Christmas!

Then Wise Owl sees the packages wrapped under his Christmas tree.  He dreams of the gifts he wants to open.  He knows that “every good and perfect gift comes from above.” (James 1:17a) God loves to give His children good gifts, but which gift would the Heavenly Father want most for Wise Owl? This morning Wise Owl wrote in his wisdom journal…

http://www.bestcoloringpagesforkids.com

“Wisdom is more precious than jewels, and nothing you desire can compare with her.  Long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor.  Her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace.  She is a tree of life to those who lay hold of her; those who hold her fast are called blessed.” (Proverbs 3:15-18)

Wise Owl knows that God gives us clothes, toys, candy and every good gift for us to enjoy.  They’re not bad things, but wisdom is the best of all.  Wisdom is the best because it enables us to enjoy all the blessings God has for us.

God doesn’t promise that wisdom will give us a trouble free life.  He promises that even in the midst of trouble we can have an abundant life when we respect Him, when we follow His ways, when we live the life He made us to live.

So how do we get wisdom?  Will Santa bring wisdom if we write it on our wish list?  Can we go shopping for wisdom?  Wise Owl remembers that …

“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.  But let him ask in faith, with no doubting for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.  For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.” (James 1:5-8)

So Wise Owl takes some time to be still before God.  He prays, “Dear God, thank you that you hear my prayer.  Thank you that you will answer me because I have put my trust in Jesus.

Lord, you know that I need wisdom.  I want to honor You in this Christmas season and not forget about why we celebrate.  I trust You to show me how to live for You this Christmas, not so that I can get a pat on the back but so that I can enjoy who you’ve made me to be to the fullest.  In Jesus’ Name I pray, Amen”

When Wise Owl finishes praying, he is looking forward to seeing how God is going to answer His prayer.  How will he know when God answers his prayer?  What does God’s wisdom look like anyway?

Wise Owl remembers something else from his journal…

“Who is wise and understanding among you?  By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom…The wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.” (James 3:13,17)

So as Wise Owl thinks about opening gifts this Christmas, the gift he is looking forward to opening the most is the gift of wisdom.  He will know that he has begun unwrapping the gift when he sees purity, peace, gentleness, reasonableness, mercy, generosity to everyone, sincerity…good fruit. All of these blessings come from wisdom.  Wisdom is the best gift God has provided for us this Christmas!

Let’s unwrap the gift of God’s wisdom today!

Wise Owl asks you…

1.  What is the best gift anyone has ever given you?

2.  What is so great about wisdom?

3.  How can we get wisdom?

4.  What does God’s wisdom look like?

Taking it further with the kids…

1.  Pray together to ask God for his wisdom each day.

2.  Ask God to show you how you can share the good news of Christmas with someone else this year.

3.  Use the tool…”What’s so great about wisdom?” from www.emissionsoffaith.wordpress.com

4.  Wrap a box with gift wrap and put it in a central location to remind you of the gift of wisdom.

 

Why Christmas wasn’t safe…

One of my favorite things about being a mom is story time.  Being curled up on the couch with a preschooler enraptured by a book.  Right now one of my son’s frequently asked for books is the Blue’s Clues Treasury Storybook.  As we were reading the chapter about the holidays the other day, he asked a question that surprised me.  It took a minute to think through the answer that should be given.

The story said that Christmas is a celebration of birth…no details or explanations.  So I asked the boy, “Do you know whose birth we celebrate at Christmas?”  He shook his little head.  With the nativity scene in clear view on the coffee table, I pointed to the baby in the manger.  “It’s Jesus’ birthday!” “No one had room for Him, so He was born in a barn.  His momma didn’t have a bed to put Him in, so she put Him in the place where they put the food for the animals.”

image from http://www.kidsermons.com

“Was it safe, Mommy?”  His question was thought provoking. Where to begin to explain what happened that night in Bethlehem.  How to explain that it wasn’t safe for Jesus to come at all, because He who is completely perfect came to take our sins upon Himself.  He came to have his own Father turn His back on Him when He could not gaze upon that sin.  It wasn’t safe to be misunderstood, betrayed, conspired against, falsely tried and brutally killed.

This is what makes Christmas so amazing…that Jesus would leave all the glory of heaven to sacrifice Himself for our sake!  He wasn’t concerned about His own safety.  He was concerned for ours!  This passage explains how He did it…

Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men.  Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.  For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus ever knee will bow, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.  (Philippians 2:5-11)

The God-Man, Jesus, was born and lived a sinless life so that He could die… so that we would finally be able to have our spiritual blindness removed and be free to acknowledge His authority in our lives.  He risked everything to rescue us, knowing that only some would choose to follow Him.  No, Jesus’ birth was not safe, but I am so thankful that He left heaven to be laid in an animal feeding trough for me! I pray that our children will truly understand the sacrifice that Jesus made for them this Christmas too.

     

What’s so great about wisdom?

What is so great about wisdom (living life in line with God’s truth) ?

Wisdom gives understanding (Proverbs 4:1).  When we don’t know how to read all we can do is look at a book.  We can’t understand what the letters mean.  In the same way that we want to understand the books we read, we want to do more than just look at life.  We want to understand it…to know what life means.  Wisdom gives the insight we need to understand life.

Wisdom gives us life (Proverbs 4:4).  There is health and peace and joy in a godly life.  This does not mean that we do not get sick or have health concerns.  Sickness is part of our fallen world, but wisdom enables us to make choices to protect our health as much as possible.  We are able to be healthy physically, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually.

Wisdom guards us (Proverbs 4:6).  It keeps us within God’s plan for our life.  Wisdom is a boundary that helps us to live in God’s blessing.

Wisdom watches over us (Proverbs 4:6).  It protects us from danger when we make wise choices.  Wisdom helps to keep us safe.

Wisdom (living out God’s Word in a situation) exalts us  (Proverbs 4:8).  When we make wise choices we stand out from others who are relying on themselves.  God’s ways are always higher than our ways.

Wisdom honors us  (Proverbs 4:8).  There are rewards for following God’s ways, even if others do not recognize the value of them.

Wisdom places a “garland of grace on our head” (Proverbs 4:9).   It presents us with a “crown of beauty”  (Proverbs 4:9).  Wisdom gives us an abundant life.  We are able to enjoy all of the blessings and promises that God has made available to us when we put His Word into action.

This is what is so great about wisdom!