For Grownups: How to identify with a middle schooler

It was the last weekend in January and I was getting ready to go on the first Junior High retreat I had been on since 1997 when I taught Jr./Sr. High Spanish.  To be honest, I wasn’t really sure what it would be like or how I would relate to the kids on the trip.  A lot has changed since 1997.  I don’t know a whole lot about popular youth culture.  I felt out of touch with the circumstances that Middle Schoolers face day to day. But I packed my bags and loaded up the car with a bunch girls.  We were on our way!

After about 8 hours of sleep in 2 days, 6 cafeteria style meals, copious cups of coffee, gearing up for a climbing wall, countless chasing after lost pin pong balls and lot of fun hanging out with Middle Schoolers I’ve come to the conclusion that anyone can identify with a young person traversing through early adolescence.  We don’t need to worry about being hip enough or savvy enough. Here’s what I discovered:   

1)  Middle Schoolers like to have fun!  

     Who doesn’t like to have fun?  Kids like to be silly and joke around.  They want to laugh.  If we grownups just let go of our worries and problem solving, we can be free to enjoy ourselves.  Kids will want to be around us, instead of cringing as they wait for some parental venom to come sting them.  Middle Schoolers can relate to us when we have fun together.

2)  Almost everything Middle Schoolers are facing is new to them.

     Any grownup who has been a parent can identify with the experience.  What was it like when you brought your first child home from the hospital?  Were you wishing the instruction manual would come with the precious tiny bundle of joy you brought home?  All Middle Schoolers wish there were some instruction manual to go with there season of life too.  Their bodies are changing.  Their peer groups are changing.  Family situations are often changing.  They often feel lost and wonder how to navigate waters of this season in their life.  We can identify with them by being understanding of their lack of wisdom.  We can adjust our expectations to embrace “newbies”.

3)  Middle Schoolers have a lot of questions.

     Kids might give the impression that they know it all, but the reality is that they are scared.  They may come across as disinterested in adult input, but secretly they crave to know the answers to their questions.  But they are waiting for a safe place where they will not be embarrassed or belittled to share what’s on their heart.  They are waiting for someone to pay attention.  They are waiting for someone who will do more than give answers.  They want to be heard, to be understood.  It takes being a good listener.

     We can be those good listeners.  Our kids can identify with us when we share the questions that God has helped us to wrestle through as well, or how we sought out the advice of a godly person in our life.  If we slow down, we can remember the hardships that we faced in our youth and be available to help our kids work through theirs.

4)  Middle Schoolers crave compassion.

     They spend a lot of time feeling lost, like sheep without a shepherd.  They want someone to invite them into the fold, to care for them and lead them.  Who doesn’t want others to show compassion toward them?  Even adults need others to care for them.  We can shepherd our children by making a point to reconnect with them often.  When we take time to connect with them, we’ll know better how to pray for them and how to provide the care they need.  If we allow them to disconnect from family life or mentoring relationships we abdicate our leadership role in their life.  They will fill that void somewhere else, however.  We can provide the compassion they need by taking time to lead them, no matter how resistant or disinterested they appear to be.

5)  Middle Schoolers are looking for available people.

     When studies are conducted on individuals who get involved in occult groups, drug abuse or gangs the studies often show that the reason the person participated in a certain activity was out of a need to belong.  God created us to be attached to other people.  When there there is a void of belonging, we look for those in our environment who make themselves available to us.  Middle Schoolers are on the lookout for people who will show up for them.  They want to know who cares enough to go out of their way for them.  We can be those people in their lives.  Investing in the next generation is an investment we will never regret!

 

 

 “Seeing the people, He (Jesus) felt compassion for them, because they were distressed and dispirited like sheep without a shepherd.”  (Matthew 9:36)    

 

The Heart Checkup

He was speaking random letters into the blue and red toy stethascope around his neck.  First, he said the letters to himself.  Then, he found our dog under the dining room table to be his audience.  When he had enough of that he wandered into the kitchen where I was busy preparing lunch and asked, “How’s your heart, Mommy? Is it clean or is it dirty?”  “That’s a good question, little man.  Let’s check it,” I answered.

At three he knows that hearts are like teeth, without regular cleaning the plaque builds up.  We are unkind to each other.  We don’t listen to instructions.  We substitute other things for God.  The list could go on.  All of this just builds up on our hearts and we carry this plaque around with us everyday unless we get a cleaning.  If we leave plaque on our teeth, we will lose our teeth.  If heart plaque is left untreated, it can kill you (Romans 3:23).

Heart cleanings are different from teeth cleaning though.  There are no toothbrushes for cleaning hearts.  No one sends us a postcard in the mail to remind us that it’s time for our heart checkup either.  It’s in the “Big Boy Instructions”  as my brother would say.  As “big boys and girls” we know that when something gets dirty it doesn’t clean itself.  We have to take the responsibility to make sure that we do what is necessary to get it clean.

The good news is that heart cleanings really aren’t that complicated.  Jesus has done everything for us.  He paid for the dirt on our hearts when He spilled His blood on the cross for us and rose again from the dead three days later  (Romans 5).  The only two elements that are needed are 1) humility (being willing to see our heart as God sees it)  2)  asking Jesus to was our hearts clean from the dirt that has settled on our heart (1 John 1:9)  When we ask Jesus to forgive us of the darkness in our hearts, He washes us clean. Then when God looks at us He only sees the perfection of Jesus. These cleanings are a gift, but when we realize how much the gift costs we won’t want to take the gift lightly.  We’ll want to give Jesus our whole life.  We’ll want to make sure that our hearts cleaned daily so that our heart will be ready for Him to use.

Having a clean heart is so much more rewarding than having clean teeth.  Why not take time for your heart to be cleaned today?

14 for 2014

 

It’s the start of a New Year, and many of us our thinking about what will shape this coming  year.  Some of us are setting out goals for ourselves.  Some are thinking of the one word that they want to describe 2014.  For those who are children of God there is only one Person who can direct our thinking about a space in time.  He is the creator of time.  His Word says that He is the same “yesterday, today and forever”, He is the only good, kind, slow to anger, abounding in love, gracious, merciful, holy, true, all-powerful, all-knowing, present everywhere, perfect and majestic King of 2014.

As citizens of His kingdom, here are 14 things we can count on this year:

1.  We have a “lamp for our feet and a light to our path” (Ps. 119:105).

2.  We won’t lack any good thing (Psalm 23).

3.  Goodness and mercy will follow us every day (Ps. 23).

4.  “Shouting for joy to the Lord” is what we were created for (Ps.33).

5.  Our King will not abandon us (Joshua 1:5).

6.  We can be “strong and courageous” because our Lord is with us (Josh 1:9).

10. Forgiveness is available to us when we confess it to Him (1 Jn. 1:9).

11.  The Holy Spirit will empower us as we rely on Him  (John 16:13,14).

12.  There is work that has been prepared in advance for us to do  (Ephesians 2:10).

13.  When we stay connected to the vine, we will be fruitful  (John 15).

14.  When we follow Jesus, He will “make us fishers of men”  (Matthew 4:19).

We have an eternal inheritance that can never be taken away from us  (1 Peter 1:4).  Let’s press on to “take hold of that for which Christ Jesus has taken hold of us.”  (Phillipians 3:14)  What we gain from living for Jesus is better than any fireworks or New Year’s Celebration…it’s heavenly, and that is something more impressive that we can ever even begin to describe.  No matter what comes our way in 2014 our God will never change, so let’s let Him define it.

When you wonder about the New Year

 

(image by commons.wikimedia.com)

 

When quiet comes and you wonder what to do with it…

seek the face of God

When joy comes and you wonder what to do with it…

sing to the One who delights

When tears come and you wonder what to do with them…

cry to the One who is the Man of Sorrows

When questions come and you wonder what to do with them…

ask the One who is Himself wisdom

When life is too full and you wonder what to do with it all…

be still and know that the Lord is God.

 

“You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.”  (Jeremiah 29:13)

A Nativity Lapbook by mom and B

There’s so much about Jesus’ birth to discover.  An interactive way to unwrap the account of the birth of Jesus with a child is by making a lapbook together.  By starting with a blank page, making the illustrations and writing out in your own words what took place, the child will begin to own it.  What a wonderful gift to give a child…an understanding of what Jesus did for them!

My little boy isn’t old enough to read and write yet (beyond his name),  but he like to color them in.  Even though he can’t read, he can look at those letters now and say what they mean.  They are the words he made (with momma’s help), but that makes it special to him.

By asking the child to think about what happens next in the story at regular intervals, the child is no longer just a recipient of the story.  He is actively involved in the discovery.

God sent an angel named Gabriel to a young virgin woman in the town of Nazareth named Mary.  The angel said to Mary, “I have a message for you from God.  You are going to have a baby.  He will be called the Son of the Most High.”(Luke 1:26-38)

Questions to ask along the way… What was the angel’s name?  Who is the young woman?  Why did the angel come to her?  What did Mary think about what they angel said?

(Note:  These were the words that I wrote on the page for the boy, but the Bible was there beside me and I explained in further detail the greeting Gabriel gave to Mary and how Mary responded to what the angel told her.  Keeping the words on the page brief helps the child understand the broad strokes of the story.  We can paint a more detailed picture for them while they are interested in the illustrations they have made and the characters they represent.)

Mary went to visit her cousin, Elizabeth, after the angel’s visit.  Elizabeth was expecting a baby in her old age.  When Mary greeted Elizabeth, the baby in Elizabeth’s womb leaped for joy at the sound of her voice.  Elizabeth was filled with the Holy Spirit and prophesied about the baby in Mary’s womb.  (Luke 1:39-43)

Questions to ask along the way… Who did Mary go to visit?  Why did the baby in Elizabeth’s womb leap at the sound of Mary’s voice?  What did Mary say to Elizabeth?

When Mary went back home to Nazareth, Joseph saw that Mary was expecting a baby.  Mary had promised Joseph that she would marry him, but Joseph didn’t like that Mary had a baby that didn’t belong to Him.  Joseph thought he would end his relationship with Mary quietly.  But an angel came to Joseph and told him that it was okay for Joseph to take Mary as his wife because the child she carried was the Son of God.  He was to call the baby, Jesus, because he would “save their people from their sins.”  (Matthew 1:18-24)

Questions to ask along the way….  Who is this man?  What is he worried about?  What do you think he will do?  What does the angel say to him?

Ceasar Augustus wanted to make a list of all the people in the roman world so that he could tax them.  He made a law that said for every family to go back to the husband’s birthplace to be counted. (Luke 2)

Questions to ask along the way…Who is this?  What did he do?  What is the law about?

Joseph and Mary went to Bethlehem to be counted.  When they arrived in Bethlehem they tried to find a inn to stay in, but all of the inns were full.  One innkeeper told them that they could stay in his stable.  (Luke 2)

Questions to ask along the way….Who are these people?  Where are they going?  Why are they going there?  Where will they stay?

At that time the days of Mary’s pregnancy were completed.  She gave birth to a son and she laid him in the place where the animal’s eat (a manger).    Out in the fields that night there were shepherds looking after their sheep.  An angel appeared to them and told them that they would find a Savior, Christ the Lord, born to them in Bethlehem that night.  The shepherds went to see if what the angel said was true . They found Mary, Joseph and the baby Jesus just as the angels had said.  (Luke 2)

Questions to ask along the way…Who are these people?  Where are they?  What is happening?  Who comes to visit them?  Why do they come?  Why is it important for us to know about how Jesus was born?

I hope you enjoy discovering the account of Jesus’ birth with your child this Christmas.  Our children are in desperate need of the hope of Christmas!  We can share that hope with them.

Please share what you have found helpful to engage your child in the hope of Christmas!

Why Christmas wasn’t safe…

One of my favorite things about being a mom is story time.  Being curled up on the couch with a preschooler enraptured by a book.  Right now one of my son’s frequently asked for books is the Blue’s Clues Treasury Storybook.  As we were reading the chapter about the holidays the other day, he asked a question that surprised me.  It took a minute to think through the answer that should be given.

The story said that Christmas is a celebration of birth…no details or explanations.  So I asked the boy, “Do you know whose birth we celebrate at Christmas?”  He shook his little head.  With the nativity scene in clear view on the coffee table, I pointed to the baby in the manger.  “It’s Jesus’ birthday!” “No one had room for Him, so He was born in a barn.  His momma didn’t have a bed to put Him in, so she put Him in the place where they put the food for the animals.”

image from http://www.kidsermons.com

“Was it safe, Mommy?”  His question was thought provoking. Where to begin to explain what happened that night in Bethlehem.  How to explain that it wasn’t safe for Jesus to come at all, because He who is completely perfect came to take our sins upon Himself.  He came to have his own Father turn His back on Him when He could not gaze upon that sin.  It wasn’t safe to be misunderstood, betrayed, conspired against, falsely tried and brutally killed.

This is what makes Christmas so amazing…that Jesus would leave all the glory of heaven to sacrifice Himself for our sake!  He wasn’t concerned about His own safety.  He was concerned for ours!  This passage explains how He did it…

Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus, who although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men.  Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.  For this reason also, God highly exalted Him, and bestowed on Him the name which is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus ever knee will bow, of those who are in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and that every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.  (Philippians 2:5-11)

The God-Man, Jesus, was born and lived a sinless life so that He could die… so that we would finally be able to have our spiritual blindness removed and be free to acknowledge His authority in our lives.  He risked everything to rescue us, knowing that only some would choose to follow Him.  No, Jesus’ birth was not safe, but I am so thankful that He left heaven to be laid in an animal feeding trough for me! I pray that our children will truly understand the sacrifice that Jesus made for them this Christmas too.

     

The Ordinary Parent’s Guide to Helping a Child Thrive Spiritually, Part 2

Part 2:  Instruction

There are three different forms of instruction necessary for a body of information to be acquired by a child:  1) modeling  2) teaching 3) correcting.  When we are teaching a child to read, we model healthy reading habits by reading to them daily, taking them to the library and allowing them to observe us reading as a natural part of our day.  So it is with the spiritual development of a child.  They discern how vital a part of life something is based on the amount of importance we place on it in our own lives.  This means that if we want our children to value knowing who God is, understanding how to communicate with Him, having God’s Word as the standard for living, being equipped to use their spiritual gifts to build up Jesus’ Bride (the church) and passionate about reaching lost people and training others how to follow Jesus then we must model that as part of our life.  They must observe us being engaged in those areas of our life, otherwise what we are communicating is that their spiritual development is more of an extracurricular activity rather than a crucial part of their development as a spiritual being .

This is the modeling part of their instruction.  Showing them what a God focused life looks like.  The key to investing in our child’s spiritual development is to make following God as natural a part of their life as reading a book or brushing their teeth.  Making it a part of your daily routine, whether it be meal times or nap time or bedtime.  Modeling this habit of spiritual nourishment will help your child to thrive spiritually throughout his life.

As we are modeling, it is natural to teach.  Just as we teach them how to sound out words, the purpose of punctuation, how to hold a book, and how to use different types of books when they are learning to read we also teach our children about why and how it is necessary to develop in specific ways spiritually.  We cannot leave our children to try to figure out this spiritual journey on their own.  They cannot learn to read on their own nor can they learn to thrive spiritually on their own.  Many will be influencing your child in different ways, attempting to shape their values and determine their course.  God gave us to our children because they need our guidance.  It is our responsibility to instruct our children and to train them in how to follow God.  If you’re unsure of where to start, I recommend beginning in the Gospel of Mark.  It is short with only 16 chapters.  It is the shortest account of the life of Jesus who is an expert at teaching us how to be a follower of God, because He is God (John 1:1).

Another good resource to begin with is The Names of God by Sally Michael.  It is important to understand, however, that just as it takes several years for a child to become a good reader, we cannot expect to see the results of our spiritual investment in our children overnight.  But daily spiritual modeling and teaching will make a great impact over time.  So do not be discouraged if your child does not seem able to grasp the truths as quickly as you would like.  Just continue laying the foundation slowly but surely, just as you do with the ABC’s.

The last form of teaching is one that we struggle with even more than the first two because it involves correction.  The correction of a child is such a debated and emotionally charged subject that it is difficult to address this form of instruction.  The most important thing to understand about correction is it’s purpose.  The purpose of correction is to make it clear to the child that the choice they have made is harmful to their well-being physically, emotionally, intellectually and spiritually.  The motivation for correction should always be love.  We love our children so much that we are willing to make them uncomfortable enough to realize that they made a choice that was harmful to themselves.  Our prayer is that they recognize their need to make a different choice that will put them on a path that leads to their greatest benefit.  Correction takes many different forms.  Sometimes it may just be a verbal correction (example:  How can you say that in a kind way?).   Sometimes the correction is in the for of the removal of privileges (example:  If a child abuses a privilege, then the privilege is removed for a time).  Other times the correction takes the form of a timeout or a measured spanking.  God has entrusted us with the responsibility of correcting our children for their own benefit.

Correction is an opportunity for us to point out to our child their need for God.  We are not capable of meeting up to God’s standards, but He has made a way for us through Jesus.  Jesus took the consequences that we deserved so that that we could be forgiven for our waywardness as we put our trust in Him.  Now we have the opportunity to be clothed in the righteousness of Christ, and are free to make choices that reflect who God created us to be.  A child who does not receive daily correction will have trouble seeing that he is in need of a Savior.  He will feel entitled to whatever decision he chooses.  This inevitably leads to spiritual emptiness.

It may seem like an overwhelming task to help your child thrive spiritually, but the outcome is so rewarding.  The book of Proverbs tells us to “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from  it.”  This is a general principle that was not intended as a promise.  It is something that holds true in most situations, however.  Every child must eventually choose for himself.  As parents we have a huge role in shaping a child’s perspective on life.  The spiritual instruction we give a child will shape them to great extent.

God will give you the grace to instruct as you seek Him.  When we feel that we are lacking confidence, it is our cue to call on the Lord.  Parenting is an act of faith.  Jesus gives us all we need, and He has given us His church with godly parents who can help us along the way.  Happy parenting to you in the week ahead!

Thanksgiving Coloring Page for Kids

Walking through the apple orchard a few months back the branches were heavy with fruit. It looked as though they couldn’t have held one more piece. The Creator reminds us of His generosity toward us. He is not stingy, but lavishes His love upon His children.

As we prepare to celebrate Thanksgiving, may we encourage our children to give thanks as generously as He has lavished us. We can help them to understand what it means to give thanks by explaining what it means to give. Giving involves handing over something tangible…thoughts, words, feelings and actions. Giving thanks is expressing gratitude to someone through our actions. The Psalms is a great guide book for expressions of thankfulness. May this Thanksgiving be truly an act of gratitude!

“Praise the Lord, all nations; Laud Him all peoples! For His lovingkindness is great toward us, and the truth of the Lord is everlasting. Praise the Lord!” (Psalm 117)

Wise Owl says, “It’s not Wise to be Lazy.”

This is Wise Owl.  He loves to learn and write what he learns in his wisdom journal.  Wise Owl is excited about going to see his friend Johnny today.  What do you think he will learn about wisdom at Johnny’s house?

When Wise Owl gets to Johnny’s house he finds Johnny in his room.  Johnny is down on the floor cleaning up his room.  He feels overwhelmed by all of the things that need to be picked up.  His face is sad.

“Hi, Johnny” says Wise Owl.  “You look sad.”

“Yeah, my Mom said that I have to clean up my room before I can play with you today.”

“What kept you from cleaning it earlier?” asks Wise Owl.

“Well, it just seemed like such a big job that when my Mom would mention cleaning up my room, I kept on looking at my favorite library book.  The next time she asked I was playing computer games and it just seemed too hard.  It makes me tired just looking at all of this stuff.” complained Johnny.

“I think that I have something that might encourage you in my wisdom journal that I wrote down this morning, Johnny”  It says in Proverbs,

“You people who don’t want to work, think about the ant!  Consider its ways and be wise!

It has no commander.  It has no leader or ruler.  But it stores up its food in summer.  It gathers its food at harvest time.

You lazy people, how long will you lie there?  When will you get up from your sleep?  You might sleep a little or take a little nap.  You might even fold your hands and rest.

Then you would be poor, as if someone had robbed you.  You would have little, as if someone had stolen from you.” 

Proverbs 6:6-11

“Johnny, if we work hard when our parents or our teachers say it’s time to work, then we get to enjoy the good things that come from that work.  We know where to find the toys we want to play with because they are in their spot.  We know where to find the clothes we want to wear because they are in the drawer in which they belong.  We also get to enjoy our time of rest when we don’t have to spend it doing the work we didn’t want to do earlier.  You see, it’s not wise to be lazy. Let’s work hard right now.  Then we can enjoy some playtime together if your Mom says it’s okay.”

Wise Owl asks you…

1.  What does it mean to be lazy?

2.  What is unwise about being lazy?

3.  Does laziness give glory to God?

4.  How can we ask God to help us overcome laziness this week? (This is a good time to remind your child that their worth is not based on whether they are lazy or not.  They are valuable because they are created by God.  When we ask God to enable us to make wise choices we get to enjoy the blessings of wisdom.)

Activities to make this truth tangible:

1.  Purchase an ant farm so your child can see the diligence of the ant.

2.  Print out an ant coloring page.

3. Make a plan to address an area of laziness.  (Example:  picking up toys daily, cleaning your room)

Wise Owl would love to hear your thoughts about wisdom today…

The Ordinary Parent’s Guide to Helping Your Child Thrive Spiritually

Part 1:  Making it a part of their environment

When our children start to move into their preschool years, many of us start thinking about the things our child will need to know as they become school age.  If we want them to learn to read and succeed in school, we start looking for ways to introduce them to the alphabet and the sounds that the letters make.  We get tips from other parents about resources they use. We copy other parent’s educational projects to encourage the children to learn.  It seems natural enough for us to just make learning a part of our child’s environment.

The same principles we use for acclimating our children to learning the alphabet are the same we use to help them thrive spiritually.  We find ways to incorporate our spiritual life into our child’s environment.  We won’t be perfect at it because there are no perfect people. But little by little, we ask God for wisdom and help to guide us in introducing them to Him.  There are songs to sing about Him, stories to read about Jesus and everywhere around us there is evidence that God is at work.  We can help them to spot these things and help their spiritual development to become part of their everyday environment. It’s what they were created for.  We can help our children thrive spiritually. It’s as easy as the ABC’s!

We weren’t meant to do it alone though.  God made us to need each other and support each other as together we seek Him for our children’s spiritual development.  I love to hear from other mommas about what tools they’re using to help their children thrive. (I even steal their ideas sometimes!  It’s what all good teacher’s do.)  What ideas can I steal from you this week about helping a child to develop spiritually?